I’d like to start off this post by letting you know a little something about myself. A personal confession, if you will – inspired from the e-journal I secretly maintain on my Frontier Internet Plans. It starts with my obsession with death, and how my focus shifted to something ‘a bit’ healthier: fashion.
My Personal Journey – from Rock-Bottom Depression to Fashion
There was a time in my life (not too long ago) when I was forced to wage a daily battle against depression. And there were many reasons why this was so.
I came from a broken family, where my parents constantly screamed and threw objects at each other. My younger brother, unable to bear all the pain and emotion, committed suicide by overdosing on my mom’s sleeping pills. And finally, when things became completely unbearable, my father decided to leave us for another woman. Typical!
So my mom, who was an unemployed drug addict herself, was left with nothing much to look forward to. Mothers have a way of loving their sons more than their daughters, for some reason. I don’t know why, but it is what it is. So when Jeremy (my brother) died, and my dad was safely out of our life’s equation, she got up one day, and silently stepped off our house balcony.
But you know what I found to be the saddest part of this entire episode? It was that I didn’t feel a thing.
Nothing. No hot tears. My face continued to look as it always had – fully made up and expressionless. The same, soulless smile remained plastered on it; deceiving everyone who gazed upon it. While still alive, I was dead. An empty shell walking among the living; waiting desperately for the finish line.
A Not Unexpected Medical Diagnosis
It wasn’t long after my mother’s passing that I became diagnosed with clinical depression. The sort that doesn’t let you get out of your bed. The kind that makes you feel worthless and unworthy, and an utter failure at everything. Even now, I vividly remember fighting against these negative thoughts in the safety of my rehab room.
Under the influence of powerful antidepressants and antipsychotic drugs, I remember gaining a chance interest in clothing.
How Fashion Saved My Life – and Changed Me for the Better
A rehab nurse, taking pity in on my wretched state, made the introduction. Very gently, she picked up a pair of knitting needles and placed them into my lap with some colored yarn. And after giving me a brief tutorial, it wasn’t long before she had me weaving my own shirts and hats.
What started as a distraction soon turned into a craze – like all good things do when the time is right.
I decided then and there, in my dimly lit rehab room, to take my growing passion to the next level. I decided to launch a business that would sustain me – both financially and mentally.
From a deep interest in clothes, I soon also started focusing on fashion accessories like jewelry, handbags, and shoes. Fun designs for these new sales items started cropping up in my once-depressed mind with lightning speed.
It was as if a whole new reality had opened up for me – one which I now considered myself lucky to have come across. I became convinced not to live life as a victim of circumstances but as their decider. As an agent of my own destiny; one fully in charge of how things turn out.
My business started prospering, and more money brought in access to more facilities. Using my trusty CenturyLink customer service hours, I now regularly started video-conferencing with my customers. They advised me (and still do) on the new fashion lines that they would like to see displayed in my stores. Some even came up with innovative designs of their own; a few of which have become part of my standard cloth collections. After being immersed in fashion for some time, I also discovered the positive effects that it had on my psyche. I no longer felt the urge to go off on the deep end of my emotions. I became too busy with being happy to ever let sadness ever affect me.
I only have fashion to thank for this complete transformation – along with the kindly nurse who showed me the way. And my journey, as such, has only just begun…